Craving Endearment
by BlueEyesRedWrists
Summary: The follow-up on Craving seduction and Craving Redemption. What happens when Bella comes back to NYC? A whole new world is ahead of us. How will they live through this?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Bellas POV

Has anyone loved you so much they have killed for you? Has anyone loved you so much that they choose you over themselves and the lives they have built? I can say that for me, someone has and that I was just as crazy for them as they were for me. The thing with that wasn't that he was older, twice my age actually, but that he was a father of my best friend and ex... As well as a respected doctor in NYC. Hi divorced his wife, my best friends mum, when he found her cheating. I just couldn't understand what made her do that.  
Actually, I didn't know where Alice and I stood these days. She kept her distance not only with me but Rosalie, our other best friend and her boyfriend Emmett. We used to be like a family but she got pissed off that the three of us choose to go to California for our studies, and her brother, my ex, with his new girlfriend, choose to go study in the city where their cheating mum lived. Of course, Alice didn't know that it was because Edward knew about me and his father, Mr. Cullen. Actually, they knew, and Rose and Emmett knew. Out of the loop was Alice and Jasper.  
Speaking of Alice and Jasper, when I had come over, Jasper confessed that Alice had gone a tad bit mad and that he was stuck with, feeling like he hated her, but couldn't leave because she said she was pregnant. Jasper also mentioned that they hadn't had sex, so either she was cheating or lying – and Jasper was just waiting so he could leave her. Both of them were miserable though.  
"Where did your mind just went?" Carlisle asked me. We were facetiming, while I was pondering this. Since he was miles and miles away, this was the best way for us to see each other.  
"Sorry, I'm out of it." Carlisle knew that her daughter and Jasper were having difficulties, of course, but I didn't want to put more on his shoulder right now.  
Jasper was here, and I just remember how he opened up to us yesterday-

 _"Like, I get it, she's scared that I'll leave, but the things she does to make me stay are inhumane, man. Like I really felt like I hated her over the holidays. I can't stand her." Jasper said with a newly opened beer._  
 _Emmett was by his side ''What was the turning point though?''_  
 _''Faking her pregnancy?'' Rosalie asked. Carlisle didn't know about this. I wondered should I say something._  
 _''That's the thing, I know she isn't pregnant. But the turning point was her threatening to kill herself if I left.'' There was heavy air all around us after what he had said. We couldn't stop feeling guilty because all of us broke a pact – that we would all stay and go to university there. Jasper was the only one who stayed and he was leaping the benefits of her distress._

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked slowly. I knew that if I would answer that I was not sure, he wouldn't be mad and would give me time. But that was not the case.  
''Of course, I want to transfer!'' I said smiling and looking at the man I loved. I had returned to California after the holidays but it just didn't feel like home, not that it ever had. I had run to the other side of the country to look for love just because I thought Carlisle didn't want me. I don't think he realized that he did when I was there – only when I left. So it was a good decision. But as Carlisle and I were chatting our evening away, I realized that the only thing I liked here was my friends, that would come back to NYC anyway. I had nothing in California left.  
''You have no idea what I will do to you when you're here.'' I smiled because I knew what he was talking about. I teasing him with pictures and videos and texts. So I had an idea what he would do to me. He has been very vocal to me about it.  
''Oh no!'' I faked my distress ''Please don't spank me'' Please spank me.  
He laughed ''I've missed you. It hasn't been the same here without you, I swear. The city seems colder without you.''  
We chatted for a bit, but then I had to go see the guys. Jasper was staying with us because I was moving and he asked to help, seeing as Alice was pushed to visit her mother. We were leaving tomorrow, and everyone was just sitting around and chatting.  
''I still can't believe you're transferring back,'' Jasper said and closed his eyes. I knew he was imagining that I would help out with Alice. And actually, I would be happy to ''Why the change of heart?'' he asked.  
Rosalie laughed and I looked at her, my eyes pleading shut up ''Ahh well, you know how it is Jasper.'' He didn't. And he was about to say that he didn't when Emmett stood up.  
''Well, whatever the reason, I want to make a toast – Bella, you know what you want and you know how to get it. Truly, inspiring.'' That lovable asshole. He knew I was transferring because of Carlisle mainly.  
We partied a bit, we had fun, but then Jasper and I went back to my room, as things got heated around the remaining two friends. They weren't gonna go to New York just now. The summer was staring, and they wanted to stay at the beach and not the concrete jungle. I, for one, couldn't wait until I would land there.  
''Bella...'' Jasper whispered, as he was sleeping next to me, on the floor ''I don't know how to break up with her. I need your help. I need help.'' He sounded so broken.  
''I know,'' I whispered back. How wouldn't he break up with her? I really had no idea. I felt like such a traitor to my friend. First sleeping with her dad, making her brother leaving, leaving myself and now plotting how her boyfriend should break up with her. I felt like crying ''Was it always like this?'' I wonder out loud.  
He answered after a moment ''You know, she used to be so filled with energy, with positivity... I don't understand what started to happen. She seems more and more depressed. I asked her to see someone, and I got a slap in the face. I know I love her, but the thing she has become is unbearable.''  
I hoped that things would get better when I was there.  
We woke up, and rushed to the airport, without so much as a breakfast or a shower – everything was packed.  
The flight was actually okay, and just as we exited the costumes, I saw my dad, Charlie, in his uniform, waving at us. Once we saw him, we dashed over and he helped us with the bags. He was clearly in a good mood ''Hi Bella! You look good!'' He kissed my cheek and shook Jaspers' hand ''Jasper, truly thank you for helping out.'' I was getting more and more giddy with the passing seconds.  
We dropped Jasper off and went to have a nice meal, outside the apartment for once. We talked about the decision to come back and stay here and finish my studies. God, I just wanted to play house with Carlisle.  
 _I'll do anything._  
 _-Bella_  
I was working myself up. I hadn't seen him in such a long time. I knew Charlie had to work the graveyard shift. He would leave at eight p.m. and Carlisle would be here by 8:15 p.m.  
I saw that he texted back-  
 _I know_  
 _-Carlisle XX_  
He had me. He knew it.

 **AN- heeeeeeey guys. I've missed writing and I am back at it again, can you believe it! Let's dive in.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I was waiting for Carlisle with as much anticipation as was possible. But it was 8:20 – where was he? I was looking out the window, looking for his car or hoping to see him. I felt a soldier's wife when I was just a horny girlfriend. When it was 8:30, I wanted to cry, when it was 8:40 I started to worry, my stomach going in all kinds of knots. He was supposed to be here at 8:15 but there was no sight of him. I knew he wouldn't be late and so I was sweating, and my palms were clammy. I was running around my apartment, which did no good, so I decided to make some tea.

Just as my mind was racing about how Carlisle might have crashed his car and it was the Holy Spirit punishing us for our indecency, he came through the door, alive and well.

"Fuck the holy spirit," I said as I ran to him.

He didn't even get to ask me what that was about, but as he said "Sorry" I think he understood that the primary reason for that was the worry.

I didn't need an explanation on why he was late, for now. I was just happy to see him – my Mr. Cullen. I still got butterflies when I thought that he was mine. I kissed him, softly at first, before teasing him – biting his lip. He liked my little game so much that he picked me up. Has he been working out? He hasn't said anything about working out, but he did seem more muscular, at least while I was holding onto him, and him picking me up like a feather was such a turn on. And let me tell you, I wasn't Alice type of skinny too.

I giggled as my feet dangled, and he said: "Now, I think we have something to settle." Again, my stomach started to knot up, but this time it was more adrenaline knot than worry knot. He took me to the nearest room – the kitchen.

''I wouldn't know what the hell you're talking about," I said sarcastically.

In one swift movement of his hand, the things on the kitchen table, the vase with flowers, a book, remote control and some other tiny things were pushed off the table by Carlisle. I couldn't contain my shock "Ah!" it seemed so primal and I was loving every second of it.

He then put me on the table and said "Get on all fours" I swiftly did as I was asked, my ass turned to his face. I felt like I was a display at some museum. He walked around me, looking me up and down, and honestly, I knew what he was doing – he was taking in the moment, and truthfully so was I. "No, this will not do." He said as he slipped my skirt off. I didn't have underwear on for a reason, knowing that when he saw that, his hands immediately started touching me.

I didn't moan on purpose. I knew what he was doing, and I was going to play the same game. Carlisle wanted to see me horny, and even though I was, I wanted to see how long it would take me. He, again, walked around me, looking at me from all angles. I swear I could smell my sex in the room. I heard him walking away and then coming back. I wondered what prop he had gotten…

Suddenly, his hot breath was on my back "I missed you so much" he said as he kissed the back of my neck. I then heard a tearing kind of sound, and my top was becoming less and less tight. It took me a minute to realise that he had actually cut my tank top open from my back, so I wouldn't have to move to undress. He proceeded to kiss down my back, slowly, nearing my ass. My skin was suddenly so sensitive and even though I was butt naked, I was sweating. At the back of my mind I was thinking, what if Charlie came back home just now? What would he think? And, how fast would he kill Carlisle? Those thought didn't plague my mind for long.

Carlisle's kisses trailed down my ass, to the tiny opening of my cunt. He French kissed me down there, and suddenly it was hard to stay on all fours and not to show him how horny I am. "Bella, you know, you can never take back what you said."

Because of the ringing in my ears caused by him adding a finger, I didn't understand "What?"

"You said that I can do whatever." He sang slowly, adding a second finger. Honestly, I didn't mind that he could do anything to me because he always seemed to do the things that I loved anyway, but I just hadn't yet discovered them myself. He didn't pause as he kept on fingering me "And I am planning to do so, my dear."

I couldn't think as my orgasm was building up. I was screaming profanities, and then - ... he stopped. I blinked a few hundred times as I felt my orgasm disappearing "What the hell?" I whispered. What was he up to?

Carlisle spanked me, and I giggled "You will not talk to me like that." He said as he started back up again, even faster and soon enough I started to tingle.

I licked my lips "Yes, please." I felt the heat from where he was touching me start to spread all over me when he stopped again "Fuck!" I cried out. Me being away from him for the last couple of months with the mixture of him torturing me wasn't sitting with me well right now – I wanted to cum.

"Shh," he cooed as he bent down to kiss my forehead, and started up again his monstrosity, with me whimpering "You're so beautiful when you're about to cum, I want to see that face forever." He kept going, and I kept panting as I felt it built up again.

"Please" I moaned "please, let me cum. God, please let me cum, please." I was beginning him, and I didn't even know that I was doing it so "I beg you please, God, please, Carlisle." I was panting like a crazy woman but all I needed was to cum.

"I don't think I'm a God, Bella, but I can make you cum." He started to push his fingers deeper and harder, hitting that spot, that made me scream even louder. I should remember to send a sorry note to all my neighbours after this. That is if my brain would even work after this.

It built up so fast, as he started to massage the entrance of my ass. I could feel myself trembling as I was nearing my release "Fuck – fuck – fuck- fuck." I was yelling over and over like a mantra, and then suddenly, I could feel it all over me, and the mere feeling of bliss washing over made my knees buckle, and I fell forward, but Carlisle got me, and just let me ride out my wave of orgasm "Thank you!" I said.

He chuckled and said, "Let's get you washed up, darling." And, I let him. It wasn't unusual for us, after something that draining, for him to clean me up as well. He showered me and dressed me in my robe, and we went to my bedroom.

He kissed my forehead, and we just talked "I'm happy you're back in town." He said.

"Really?" I joked "I could've guessed." He kissed me again and I felt such peace and bliss. I barely remembered about the mess in the kitchen ''We have to clean up the kitchen'' I barely got to finish my sentence when his phone rang. He always left the sound on because he wouldn't know when he would get a call from the hospital. So, he went to pick it.

I saw the confused face he had, and before I could ask he said "Its Alice..." He picked up "Hello?"

I couldn't hear what Alice was saying, but hearing what Carlisle was saying sure as hell was an alarming answer enough "She what?... And you're on your own way, sweetheart? … Oh! Alright... No, of course not...Medication?... It's going to be alright, I'll come home now... No, I'm not, but -...Alice, I-" he looked at the phone and I guess she dropped the call.

"What's up?" I asked, sitting up. It didn't seem like it was a good conversation.

He frowned "Her mother told her that she needed medication and send her home. She's already home and seemed upset that I wasn't there." I had some follow up questions, but I chose to keep my mouth shut and let him call Renee. She was the mother of his kids, and I knew he didn't want her anymore, so I wasn't jealous when he dialled her up. Plus, it seemed like a family emergency was happening, and I wasn't about to butt in.

I knew he had to go, so I kissed him hard before saying "You go and take care of that – call me later. "

He nodded and left.

I wondered what was happening. I wasn't going to lie, that it seemed so confusing what was happening here. I guess I was missing on a lot of stuff being away, I thought as I was cleaning up the kitchen. I was so tired after everything, that it took longer for me to fall asleep.

I should have cherished that moment of peace because I woke up to someone pounding on the door. I guess Charlie wasn't home and I just wasn't too keen on running at the door, while someone was angrily behind them. That is until I barely heard the voice behind the door "Bella! For fuck's sake, wake up!"

Once I understood it was Jasper, I opened the door. He rushed in and sat down "Bella, honestly charge your phone." He looked horrible and I could feel my panic setting in.

I didn't know what to do, so I just pulled a chair next to him and waited "Carlisle told me to come here." He said. I didn't want to start panicking more, but I could feel the adrenaline inside me – did he know? "Alice's mom figured out that she was puking out all her meals and sent her back here, so Carlisle can deal with that basically." I was shocked, but I can't say completely surprised. She was tiny, always.

"So, she's back?" Of course, she's back. I know that.

"Yea, but... she hurt herself yesterday, and now it's just a big fucking mess. Edward came back too, with his new girlfriend. Alice called me, and she was apologizing for everything, but then she was throwing the blame at me, and she apologized again... I just... I need some normal people company." He finished.

I thought about everything he said, and I had to ask ''Did you know about her purging?''

He took his face in his hands ''I did... yeah.'' He took in a breath ''Bella – things are a mess here.'' And that they were.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When I charged my phone, I saw several messages from Carlisle, but I couldn't reach him, when I tried to call, meaning that he was with his family. It made me sad sometimes knowing that I wasn't going to be a part of it.

So instead of trying to reach him, I called Alice. I was dreading it, but she needed us more than ever "Bella... Hey!" She sounded happy, but with a raspy voice. I knew that voice. She had been crying.

''Alice! ...''fuck, Bella! Speak" ''... I'm so happy to be back. We should grab some food, I really miss you.''

''You should come over.'' She said.

I was stunned into silence, but ended up stammering ''Umm, yes, yes, of course – hahaha. I should! I'll see in a minute... or two hahaha.'' Stupid... I felt fucking stupid.

But after we ended the conversation, I sped off to the Cullens mansion.

I felt uneasy walking up the stairs... I don't know why. But when a blonde thing with big tits in a tight shirt. She was chewing bubble gum and looking up and down on me... I suddenly felt- well, not ugly, but not particularly pretty dressed in a sundress and a big oversizes jacket.

Was she gonna let me in? ''I'm Bella,'' I said, hoping she knows who I am.

''I'm Tanya – where's the pizza?'' she asked

Before I could say that I wasn't the pizza delivery, Edward came up ''Whats the holdup, babe?'' he said before he saw me. This must've been his new girlfriend that Jasper mentioned. Well, he opted for a blonder model I see. I wondered what happened to Jessica ''Oh, it's just you.'' He said

They still didn't move from the door, so I just started to walk in anyways, pushing my way through. I heard Tanya ask ''Who is she?'' and Edward answering ''Alices' friend.'' Alright. So he really tried to forget about Carlisle and me, not even mentioning that I was his ex. Good... I guess.

Walking into Alice's room, was something. She was in her bed, looking so tiny as ever, and tired. I wanted to cry seeking her likes this ''Hey Alice.'' I said, feeling the gut-wrenching sadness over our lost friendship.

She looked at me and smiled a bit ''Hey girl. How was the trip back?'' I wanted to feed her, but I left the comments on that topic to myself. I wanted to bring her some water, and make her a nice hot tub.

''It was good. I'm very happy to be back in NYC.'' I remember when she was so sad that everyone was leaving and I suddenly wished I never had ''Sometimes you just need to venture to different places, to know where you belong.'' I finish, hoping that that could somehow, even a tiny bit resonate with her.

She nodded ''Cool.'' Is all she said before asking ''Do you know?''

I think I did. Carlisle and Jasper, the two closest people for her, did tell me some stuff, but I needed to hear her part of it ''Tell me everything.'' I said, choosing not to answer.

''My mother just found out that I was purging, and we had a big fight.'' She waved her hand like it was nothing. We must have been silent for a long while, my eyes saying everything that I didn't dare to say to her face, and then I saw her eyes well up with unshed tears '' I've missed you. I missed us... I'm just sad all the fucking time.'' She let out her first sob ''Everyone left and I've been so lonely here. And now this-'' she waved her hand between us ''-we used to be friends, now I don't even understand this, because we are definitely not close, but you're the closest one I have.'' She started to sob a bit harder, and I took her hand in mine. I knew this was coming, just not the next day of my flight ''I know Jasper hates me and I know that daddy is worried sick, but I just need some control and something to focus on.'' She waved at her body with her other hand and started to full on sob ''I am so tired all I want to do is sleep, and I'm scared because I don't think that I want to wake up.'' If this wasn't a call for help, I don't know what was. I could feel myself tear up as well.

I thought of every word that I said ''Alice, we'll help you – I'll help you. And, eventually, you'll feel better, I promise.'' She needed us here. I have no idea if I should be promising her that she will get better, but I wanted to make her all better ''You don't have to be healthy right now, alright? That's just a process that's going to take time.'' I said.

She nodded her head and kept listening to what I said ''Maybe let's make a list – what to do, and lets set the goal, okay?'' she offered ''On paper, things will look much clearer. I don't promise that that will help, but I feel like its a start for me.'' She smiled a bit and I returned it.

I went and fetched some paper and a pen, and sat back down on the bed next to her ''So the first thing I think is – take a bath, '' I wrote it down and waited for the second '' I think before I can go and do anything, I should break up with Jasper... officially,'' she laughed at that when she started to say it but was serious when she finished the sentence. She was right, they weren't together for a long time now. I nodded and wrote that down ''So after I've showered and talked to Jasper, I think I should take daddy up on his offer.'' She said her head hanging low.

I didn't ask her anything, just scribing down what she said

 _1\. Shower._

 _2\. Break up with Jasper._

 _3\. Take daddy's offer._

I showed her and she hugged me ''Bella, why did you leave NYC?'' She asked suddenly.

I couldn't tell her because your _daddy_ was breaking my heart, so I just said ''I felt like my heart was in million pieces, so I left.'' It was true ''Rosalie just followed Emmett.'' That was true as well. Emmett wanted to study somewhere warm, and he had been the new kid, so he wasn't here when we promised each other to stay in NYC. Truth be told, she would follow him anywhere.

She nodded against me. I felt like we were on a road of recovery, the two of us.

''Isabella! How pleasant to see you here.'' I heard Carlisle's voice.

As Alice and I pulled from each other, I saw him leaning against the door. He definitely was working out.

''Daddy – I'm going to take a shower, and after that, I want to talk, alright?'' She stood up and went to the bathroom.

It was just the two of us left here, and as I heard the bathroom door closing I said ''We made a list.'' I showed him ''She wants to take you up on your offer.''

I saw his face change to interested to shocked ''She said yes?'' He asked and I nodded.

''What offer is that? I didn't ask Alice.'' Curiosity got the best of me and I hoped he would answer.

Carlisle's eyes got soft and I suddenly felt such love for him, I didn't want him to be hurt ''Its a team approach, of medical treatment, counseling, therapy, and education.''

I couldn't stop myself from saying '' You're a great father.''

He just smiled, but his eyebrows pulling together in question. He didn't ask anything, and I just got on my knees and crawled to him. When I was at his feet, I got back on my knees, from the crawling position, my face just inches away from his cock. I could see the question in his eyes replaced by hunger and lust for me. He didn't say or do anything still.

My hand slowly crept up from his ankles to his knees to his member I was cupping him, and I put my face against him as well. I felt him getting hard, as I massaged. He still had his jeans on, and only after I felt him getting hard, I stood up.

I was smiling, looking at his confused face ''I have to call Jasper, tell him to come over.''

He pushed me against the door, his forehead resting against mine ''No – you do not.'' His face went a bit lower and he was kissing my neck, and I couldn't help but to swoon at that ''You will finish what you started, Bella.''

I was well aware that he hadn't cum yet – only if he had masturbated, but not by me or at my presence. I slipped to my knees, keeping eye contact with him. I was the one to open his belt and pulling his pants down ''What did you want me to do, again?''I teased, as I grabbed him.

''Bella, remember how I was edging you? I can do that all day.'' I knew he would, and I knew he was teasing as well, so I put him in my mouth very quickly, and sucked slowly, playing with my tongue.

I heard his breathing catch in his throat, as I kept wetting all of his lengths, so I could take him in my mouth as much as I could, and my saliva could be a lubricant for my hands in places where my mouth couldn't reach.

''God dammit Bella.'' He moaned. It was a thrill, I have to say. We were technically in the door frame, to Alices room – Alice could come out of the shower, Edward with Tanya could come up. We were playing with fire in the open air. The thought made me suck harder, made me work rougher and sloppier.

''Fuck '' His voice was low and full of bliss. His hands went to my hair, as he pushed me down harder. I didn't mind. I used to hate it, with other guys in the first semester in university, but honestly – it made me wet, that Carlisle was enjoying this to a degree, he was almost fucking my mouth, needing a release from me – from what I was doing.

I wondered if the slurping sounds could be heard by others, as I sucked harder, my saliva everywhere – on my face, in my hair, on my clothes. I felt his hips bucking forward, making me gag until he stiffened up a bit, and he came undone. I swallowed everything – I found it was easier if his cock was further in my throat.

I knew I was cruel, when I kept sucking, even after he had come. He started to shake and pulled away. I looked up and he was smiling ''If you don't stop darling, I'll pass out on top of you.'' I giggled at that and got up ''You need to clean your face, Bella. Go to my bathroom.'' He continued and I obliged.

''Sure daddy,'' I said jokingly and skipped to his room, but not after he smacked my butt.

We were acting like kids around one another, but honestly, we were happy with one another. I knew the situation of why I was here was serious, but I couldn't stop from feeling happy with the two of us.

Carlisle was right though – I needed to clean my face up. My lips were puffy and my cheeks red, and my whole face was covered in my saliva, not to mention the mascara that was running down my face. Any traces of my make up were ruined. I just washed my face – nothing I could do more about it.

As I was there, I dialed Jasper up. I was happy that he answered right away ''Bella!'' he sounded happy.

I didn't want to a bearer of bad news ''Jasper – how are you?'' I was aware of my raspy, post blow job voice. I wondered if he was too.

''Just reading. Nothing really.'' I knew he was gonna subject to hang out, so I cut him off.

''Actually, Jasper... I'm calling because of Alice.''

''What did she do?'' This time he cut me off.

''Nothing. We talked and she wants to get help.'' I said in a positive voice.

He sighed on the other end of the phone ''Bella, she has said she'll get help if I stay for so long now. I cant do it anymore.'''

''It's actually not about that.'' I said ''She wants to get help, but after she breaks up with you. She said you should do it officially.'' I must have stunned him in silence ''I just talked to her, and this came up as well. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.'' I pleaded with him ''But I kinda need you to come here, so you guys can do it properly, and she can go and get the help she needs.'' I finished.

Jasper agreed, and I was ready to squeal with joy.

I didn't, I just went back to Alices room, where it was empty. I guess Carlisle went to his study and seeing as there was a towel, Alice must've been with him.

I was sitting there on my phone when Edward came in view.

AN- Guys I see the stats, where's the love?

I know this chapter was about Alice, but I'm building it all up! I hope you enjoy 3


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I woke up with a massive headache. How do people even do that? Wake up with headaches. Doesn't sleep help that usually? It wasn't like I didn't deserve it. I did have a drink when I had come home yesterday. A little vodka with less juice had gotten me drunk easy. I passed out.

Remembering now, that I had texted something to Carlisle I checked my phone for what I had written-

 _I love you, don't leave me_

 _Bella_

Ugh… I hated it when I sounded desperate or as if I had low self-esteem. Of course, he had replied-

 _I won't. Did something happen? Call me_

 _Carlisle_

He was so sweet. Checking the clock quick, I noted that it was 10 am. He was at the hospital today. I couldn't stop myself from remembering yesterday's events.

 _¦Edward had come in the view, as I was sitting on Alice's bed – waiting. When I saw him, I couldn't help but to think of what if he saw me giving his father a blow job? My defensive side said, that he didn't have to watch._

'' _Bella, what are you doing here?'' he asked._

 _I felt a little uneasy as he asked me this. He knew I was with Carlisle, he knew I was Alice's friend ''What do you mean?'' I asked him_

 _He rolled his eyes, and put his hands on his hips ''I mean, what the hell are you doing in this house? It's not your house – you're not welcome here.''_

 _I wondered why the hell did he want a fight. I could say that this was Carlisle's house, and he couldn't tell me to leave. I could have told him that as long as I am with Carlisle, he should just accept that I am going to be here. I wanted to tell him to fuck off more than anything though. But I ended up saying ''I'm visiting Alice. She isn't doing too great.'' I reminded him._

 _I could see his face becoming redder, and I wondered why he started this ''You need to go, Bella. No one wants you here.''_

 _I was trying to keep my cool, really was ''I'll wait for Alice or Carlisle to tell me this, thanks.''_

'' _Bella, honestly. Don't get me angry.'' He said._

 _My eyebrows shoot up at that ''Are you threatening me?''_

 _His hand was in his hair suddenly ''What? No… I just…'' He trailed off._

 _I get it, it wasn't easy for him to see that I was here, knowing that I had lost my virginity to his dad when I had promised it to give that to him. That we were together, and I dumped him for his father._

I snapped out of it when I heard the teapot going off and sitting drinking my tea. I mean, I realize how he wanted me out of his life for good. But still, what he said made feel so shitty. After I drank my tea, I went to dress. Alice broke up yesterday with Jasper, and both of them ended up crying and apologizing to one another. At least that's what Alice texted me later that evening. She also said that Carlisle got her a place in one of the clinics, so she was leaving today. Carlisle knew the right people, so he asked for a favour.

As I was getting dressed, I remembered the rest of the conversation with me and Edward.

'' _Bella don't be stupid about this. Carlisle will get tired of you and leave.'' Edward said with a slight smirk ''I just think you should know that'' he finished._

 _The fucking nerve on this guy ''Edward, I know you're pissed off about how things turned out with me and you, but it doesn't mean you can run your lip like that. Go do that to Talia.''_

 _He scowled ''It's Tanya.'' I knew that ''And, I can say whatever the fuck I want.''_

'' _Whatever Edward, I'm done with you and this conversation.'' I waved my hand, dismissing him._

'' _Well, then perhaps it will help you to know that Carlisle has been seeing someone else, while you were in California.'' He smirked, and my face visibly must have dropped._

 _I didn't know if he was playing a game or not, but I wasn't going to make a judgment call ''Edward, honestly fuck off. I'll never choose you.'' I said a bit harsh, but he couldn't expect me to keep saying nice things to him, when he said that to me ''Even if he is, it's still none of your business. You wanna be nasty, you can be nasty somewhere else.'' I finished._

I still made a face when I remembered that. It was shitty, but I was afraid that it was true. He had left the room after that, and my fears had gotten to me. I had imagined him choosing another lover over me. I couldn't bear the pain, so the trusty vodka came in hand yesterday.

I gave Carlisle a call. I should tell him this. No secrets, right? I thought that I would hit his voicemail and leave a brief message, but he answered.

''Bella how are you?'' I heard a bit of concern in his voice and my heart just couldn't handle it. He has so much on his plate right now. Perhaps I should wait when Alice leaves. It probably isn't anything anyway.

''I'm sorry about yesterday.'' I started ''It wasn't anything.''

I could hear him taking a big gulp of air ''You sure?''

Even though he couldn't see me, I nodded ''Absolutely. I just had a drink, and even though everything is old, it's just as new to me. I didn't mean to worry you.''

''It's alright.'' He said.

After that, we chatted a bit and decided that we should have a date night after Carlisle takes Alice to the clinic. He said that it's not going to be easy, but he was so happy that she had agreed. As was I, of course, but I didn't understand why would she suddenly say to this all? She had been acting out and doing this for quite some time now. I didn't want to believe that it was because I came back…

After the phone call, that was probably longer than he could afford, I went to get ready. I had put on a denim skirt and a plain t-shirt. It felt like it was going to be a sweltering summer in NYC.

I thought of putting something prettier or rather more formal than this, seeing as I had a date after with her dad. But honestly, I didn't want it to feel like we were celebrating his daughters leaving and opted for perhaps a walk in the park and a picknick. Or just having a sandwich between us. I wanted to do a place that wasn't formal, and we could just talk and touch, and listen, and kiss one another in the free.

I had to be at the Cullen house at one p.m., but I was there a bit earlier. I didn't want to see Edward, but it wasn't like he was head over heels about seeing me either. I knew that from the beginning that it was never going to be easy with him knowing and we were just going to deal with it, both of us. He had to deal with me being with his father, and I had to deal with his reactions and actions because of it.

I was praying that neither Tanya nor Edward opens the door, and my prayers were heard! Alice opened the door, in a tiny summer dress. You could really see her bony figure in this. I tried not to stare as I gave her a hug ''Hey!''

She let go of me and said ''Come to my room for a bit. Daddy is in the study and Edward went with Tanya in the city.'' She rolled her eyes. I guess she didn't like her.

I helped her with some stuff, though neither of us knew precisely what she would need or won't need in there, seeing as none of us had been to a clinic like that before. We ended up joking around more so than doing the actual packing.

While we were sitting on the floor, just laughing, Carlisle walked in ''Oh, Bella, you're here already!'' he smiled at me, and I smiled back, not holding back ''I think the car is going to be here in twenty.''

We nodded and went down anyway, opting for some tea before we had to leave. I looked over at Alice and wondered how no one noticed this? Neither did I but I wasn't present. The guilt had settled itself inside me deep, so when she was leaving, I was battling with my tears. It was going to be okay. Alice wanted to get the help, and that was so rare.

When she left, I was left with Carlisle. When I looked at him, I saw the dread and sadness in his eyes. I went and just hugged him. I felt my emotions trying to bubble over, but I tried to ease them, so I could be there for him.

I stayed silent. There wasn't anything I could say to calm him, what hadn't crossed his mind already, or what didn't sound insensitive.

I felt Carlisle's hands slid over my body, and as I looked up at him, he kissed my nose, and then he kissed my lips. It was so easy to get lost in his touch and his kiss – and we did get lost. We were standing there, in the doorway just kissing. That is until he picked me up, and I was straddling him. The kiss grew hotter and hotter as his hands were squeezing my ass.

When I came up for air, he kissed down my neck to my chest. I wanted my shirt to disappear, so he could do his molestations on my body that I craved so much.

''Fuck just take me. I'm yours.'' I moaned the untold truth.

He chuckled and started to walk up to his room. He was definitely working out.

That wasn't on my mind for a long time, as we entered his room. He put me down on the bed and as he did, he massaged and kissed my ankles. I knew he was going to drive me crazy, so I wasn't going to beg, not now anyway.

His lips were traveling upwards, kissing the inside of my knee, that made me a bit ticklish. He didn't linger there long as he was kissing upwards my thigh and soon he was at my underwear. He didn't drag it long, and all I could imagine is that he was impatient as well.

He didn't put my underwear to the side right away or take them off. He pushed his nose against my folds, through my underwear and inhaled, which made me blush a scarlet red ''I missed you so fucking much.'' He said, as his fingers pulled my underwear off ''Just like this baby – wet, wanting and ready for me.'' He kissed each of my parts, as he said that.

Just as he finished, he French kissed me, slipping his tongue directly into me, and I thanked God for the soft bed, as I threw my head back, in pure ecstasy. He kept up his technique and I was in pure bliss but once he put his thumb on my clit, I was a mess, begging him to let me cum or begging him to fuck me – whatever would do.

I should have known Carlisle because he did both. I came with a full body shudder, and suddenly, I was kissing myself off of him, and I wanted to feel him.

I didn't have to beg for that wish, as he was positioning himself to do just that. I was looking him in the eye as he thrust inside. I couldn't help myself, as I let my face make my O-face. I had missed the feel of him. I knew I lost my virginity to this man, and I just felt like he was my soulmate. I was closer to heaven as ever, with each thrust. I was going to come, and I made myself heard.

Looking at Carlisle, I knew he wasn't going to last long, so I just let my fingers play with my clit – I met him in an orgasm just in time, too. Thank god that Edward with Tanya wasn't here because we weren't holding out on our vocal expression.

When he cleaned himself up, and me as well, seeing as I couldn't really walk, we just lay down with each other.

''I missed you, Bella.'' He said just before he fell asleep.

I knew that the reason why I was here right now wasn't as great but knowing that I could be next to Carlisle, made me happy. With him, I was finally home.

AN- ooh-oh…. What's coming up! O.o


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up with Carlisle was pure bliss. I couldn't believe how we'd had started. It brought a smile to my face and made me laugh most of the time – I was an eager girl ack then. I knew what I wanted and that hadn't changed for me. And seeing just as much as Carlisle had wanted me to be here, with him, right now – I knew that it hadn't changed for him too.

Actually, to correct myself, it had changed – we respected each other more and valued honesty between us. We fucked it up once, no need for a repeat.

So, I respected the hell out of him when I woke up before him.

I looked at him, his mouth slightly open, eyes closed… He looked so peaceful, I almost felt bad slipping under the blanket. We had fallen asleep naked yesterday, not needing clothes when we were just the two of us.

I kissed his stomach and his hips, and I could feel him slowly waking up. Just as I heard him sigh, I put him in my mouth and sucked. Even under the blanket I heard him catch his breath.

He was hard in no time, swearing and hitting the back of my throat. I didn't want him to cum in my mouth, but I wanted him inside me. I was learning that I was selfish – when I wanted him I took him in my mouth, and when I wanted him inside me, I made it happen.

I peeked from the blanket and saw his eyes heavy with lust and sleep.

I didn't have to be vocal to him about how I wanted him to fuck me, and how I was just his and no one was going to touch me, like he is, not that anyone had a chance to. I didn't have to say this, but I often did, this time not being it.

He grabbed me and kissed me. He kissed down my neck, before he turned me around.

When he pushed my face in his soft mattress and grabbed my hair, I knew it was a wonderful way to wake up. When he checked if I was wet and slammed into me knowing I was wet and ready, I knew that it was going to be a momentous day.

He pushed inside me as he pulled my hair, I was a swearing mess as I came. And, just because I came, it didn't mean it was over. I was spasming and coming again, as he came. He relaxed his head, breathing in deep, evening out his heart beat.

''Good morning.'' He said as he kissed my shoulder blade ''Would you like some coffee?''

''I'd love that.'' I answered truthfully.

The gesture seemed so sweet and polite. I was thankful hat he rather enjoyed the rough kind of love making.

I was in his shirt, no underwear, sitting on the kitchen table, with a fresh cup of coffee in my hands. I watched as he flew across the kitchen, making us breakfast ''What are you making?''

He smiled at the products in front of him ''A grand old American breakfast – pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon and some buttered toast.'' That was no breakfast, that was a feast! I wasn't going to say anything, as I was pretty damn hungry myself.

It felt like I would always be when I was around him.

''Sounds excellent Mr. Cullen.''

He came over to kiss me and went to work. I loved seeing him in the kitchen – he was such an amazing chef.

''How is Charlie?'' he asked me out of the blue. We had talked previously about the weather and not my father came up.

''He's good. Busy.'' I shrugged. The summer in New York meant more people getting at it. If the winter time had the most fucked up crimes, then in the summer it was more stupid. Kids getting in trouble over a stolen chocolate bar and that kind of stuff. The stuff Charlie always said he didn't have time to deal with whilst rolling his eyes.

''Yes, I can see that.'' I imagined that the hospital wasn't an empty place either. ''He's happy that you're back, right?''

I smiled ''What's this about?''

He looked at me, his eyes wide and innocent suddenly, over the bacon he was cooking. I knew he was about to say that he didn't know what I mean, but I just arched my brow at him, challenging him. He shrugged.

''We're friendly, the two of us. I can't help but to feel guilty I'm doing this to my friend's daughter, and that I might have stolen some of his father daughter bonding time.'' He didn't look me in the eyes as he said this. I knew him well enough, that he did that when he was feeling bad about something, but that it was equal amounts of stupid as well.

I hopped off the counter and hugged him from behind ''I'm not his little girl anymore and we ever really had these bonding times you are so worried of robbing him from.'' That was true, Charlie and I bonded over the fact that we both loved our free space at home. I added ''And, I can e with whomever I chose to be with.'' Before kissing his back.

He turned back to me and kissed me properly before saying ''Breakfast is ready.''

It was a good day, Carlisle and I spent the day in bed, eating and fucking, and watching movies both of us had missed. I was happy, I felt like I belong under his arm. So, when his phone went off, both of us stilled. We were afraid that something might not be going okay with Alice, but it was his work.

We both knew at that time, that we, at least him, had to go back to reality. Out of the bubble we had made today. It was supposedly Carlisle's free day, but as he once told me doctors don't get days off.

He picked up the phone of course.

I was about to do ungodly deeds to him again, as I saw my phone vibrate. Looking at it, I read a text from Jasper-

 _You up for a drink?_

Before I could reply, Carlisle was off the phone, off the bed and off to get dressed. As he entered his closet, he explained ''There's an emergency. I told them what to do before I got there. Hopefully they'll comply and won't need my aid, but it isn't that easy. I'm sorry that I must go Bella.''

''It's alright. As fate would have it, Jasper is asking me out for drinks.'' He probably needed it after yesterday. I would need it as well, if it weren't from the bubble.

He nodded as he came back in view, dressed up ''That doesn't sound too bad actually. You'll get home safe?''

I nodded ''I'll call a cab, and text you. No worries.''

He leaned down to kiss me ''Have a wonderful time.''

As he stood up and walked away, I called out after him ''You too Dr. Cullen!''

I heard him laugh and call after me ''Always do!''

I didn't go back home to dress, using Carlisle's private shower to clean up, and putting on the jean skirt and the plain t-shirt I had on the previous day. I didn't feel like dressing up or putting a face full of make up knowing that it was hot, and I was seeing Jasper.

I saw his blonde locks at the bar, as I entered it. Jasper had promised to me that he knew the bartender at the place, and it seemed like he did, as the were chatting and laughing.

I went up to them, and as soon as Jasper saw me, he was all hugs and hellos towards me ''This is Garrett, he's a buddy of mine.''

I leaned over the counter to say hello, but suddenly, his face was serious ''Could I see some identification, miss?''

I could feel myself being stunned silent, knowing damn well I wasn't twenty-one yet. Just when I turned to Jasper, Garrett laughed whilst saying ''I'm sorry, I had to! Beer?'' he asked, as I nodded out of relief.

I saw Jasper laughing as well and told them they were assholes as I sat down next to Jasper. I couldn't help but to laugh with them at their silly joke.

The evening went fine and well. I was waiting to see Jasper sad and depressed when he didn't look like it. I knew people didn't always look depressed when they were sad, but his laugh seemed genuine. And his posture seemed more relaxed than I've seen in more than a year. Perhaps the break up was he had needed. I knew when I broke up with Edward I was sure felt more relaxed than sad. It saddened me a bit that their relationship had gotten that bad but perhaps it was for the best for both of them. I knew it certainly was the best for me after my relationship with Edward. I don't know if it was the best for him, knowing that even if it was, knowing who I was with – wasn't. I ignored that as hard as I could, as I sipped the last amounts of the fourth beer I had.

Jasper had already ordered our next round, and I didn't mind one bit that we would be drinking more. I didn't want to think that I was a home wrecker, even if I was.

Jasper and I ended up talking about relationships eventually. I think it was around beer number seven… Or was it eight? I lost count to be honest, allowing myself to feel free and have fun.

''I dunno, I look for a guy who can be nice towards people. Definitely smart and can laugh about himself.'' Garrett said, when Jasper asked him what he was looking for in a relationship.

I nodded ''Yes! That's what matters. You have to find someone who is going to love you the right way.'' I was thinking of Carlisle. I wanted to send him a dirty text just to remind him of me.

''I can't believe that you were with Edward back in high school.'' He laughed at me, remembering us both of that part of history. Turning to Garrett, he said ''The kid is such a tool now.''

I laughed along them ''I'm glad that my past relationship can amuse you.'' And even though I laughed about it, as if I just remember it again, I hated that he was on my mind so much these days.

''Ahh, Cullen fucking sucks, but he didn't suck that much back then, so you're forgiven.'' He put his arm around my shoulders.

''Yeah, if I hadn't fucked his dad maybe he'd be more chill.'' I laughed at my own joke. Jasper was right, he did suck, even back then. He always had a stick up his ass.

''What?'' Jasper slowly stopped laughing, watching me as a hawk. Garrett walked away, as a client cried for him to serve her, pushing her cleavage out towards him. Too bad he wasn't interested in them.

I laughed pointed at him ''Poor Garrett! Those girls don't have the chance and he has to endure this all night. As if we are a prize.'' I snickered. I was definably drunk.

My head swam, when he asked ''Bella, you fucked Carlisle?''

Jeez, I was so over it being a secret at this point. I felt like everyone knew, apart from his kids and my father. I smirked and felt myself slurring my words ''Who said I only did it once?''


	6. Chapter 6

The last thing I remembered was asking to the taxi driver to pull over, so I could puke on the streets, Jasper holding my hair. The night had been fun, for the most part. But now I was living the consequences for the fun of the night.

I woke up and fought to hold my vomit in before I ran to the toilet. After I mistreated the toilet, I rested my head against the cold tile of the floor, cursing alcohol. I was thinking about how ironic and moronic it would be if I had to get my stomach pumped by my boyfriend. Carlisle wouldn't like that. Neither would I. It felt like I was another beer or two behind the stomach pumping.

Perhaps a shower would help. I pulled myself off the floor, realizing that my head was spinning like I was on a carousel ride of hell.

I allowed the icy water to wash over me, hoping for it to wash the sick out of me too.

I wondered where Jasper was. Did he spend the night? I know he was in the cab with me, as I was going home? Or after dropping me off he went home? I had no idea, but as I thought of him… I remembered.

I remember that I told him about Carlisle and me.

My head span suddenly more than before and I couldn't hold down the vomit that was suddenly coming up and coming up fast.

I definitely had alcohol poisoning.

I deserved it too, for being an idiot, who told Jasper I fucked Carlisle, and was still doing it daily. No one had pushed me to say something or asked for the information on who I was sleeping with, or even remotely linked in a romantic way.

God, I just had to open my big stupid mouth.

As it dawned on me, another thing dawned on me.

Carlisle.

Did I text him?

I quickly finished my shower, and pulled a towel around my body, and around my head, and went to investigate.

There was morning light in the apartment, so I knew it was early. Checking the clock, in the kitchen, I was right. It was around 5 am. I remember leaving the place before midnight. I checked to see if Charlie was there, noting that he was. I have no idea if I, or Jasper if he was here, spoke to him, or not. Perhaps he had come home when I was knocked out already.

Jasper wasn't in the living room, and I didn't see shoes anywhere as well. So, he must have left. That thought quickly evaporated as I entered my room. He lied on the floor, with one pillow under him. No blanket, just his t-shirt and boxers. I didn't notice him when I was running to the bathroom… But to my defence I didn't notice anything, but the need to vomit and vomit somewhere acceptable. I wasn't keen on this kind of bodily fluid and I wanted to avoid cleaning up a mess of that kind.

I searched for my phone, hoping that I hadn't lost it. Dad wouldn't be so happy if someone would find a phone with his daughter naked pictures that were exchanged with a good doctors naked selfies, that was his age. I was relieved when I found it on the ground.

I hadn't called Carlisle and he hadn't called me either. Checking text messages, I saw that I had spoken to him

 _'m heading home now babe._

 _I'm with Jadtsper._

 _Hd 1 2 many haha_

I cringed at that messaged and checked what he had said in return.

 _As long as you're safe._

 _Drink some water, take aspirin, and sleep it off._

I hadn't responded to him, and he didn't say anything else. Would it have been easier, if I had just typed – Sorry, I told Jasper I fucked you, and then I told him I'm still doing it, just with more feelings involved. Jesus. I put my head in my hands and breathed in deep. What now?

I looked at Jaspers sleeping form and remembered last night.

'' _Bella, you can't be serious.'' He shook his head ''He's Alice's dad… He's Edwards dad. What? How?'' Jasper had too many questions, and I wanted him to get over it. I wanted everyone to get over it because I wanted to hold his hand in public._

'' _You know Jasper, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.''_

 _I suddenly remember Alice faking pregnancy just, so Jasper wouldn't leave her. I kind of understood her, not that I would ever do that. It made sense to me now, so I spoke up ''Ah, well, you know how Alice faked her pregnancy?''_

 _I waited for him to confirm, but all he said was ''So she fakes that, and you fuck her dad?''_

 _I rolled my eyes at him ''We need more beer Jasper if you want to understand.'' He wasn't getting it! And perhaps it was because I was a tiny bit more drunk than he was. He needed more._

 _After he got the beers, we ended up talking about different topics._

 _But Carlisle thing came up again, as we waited for a cab. ''Is it just the sex? With Carlisle, I mean.'' He asked._

 _I smiled, thinking that he was finally getting it, or asking the questions I wanted to answer ''No, it's not. I think it was at the start, but we just kind of fell for one another. We're a thing, without being public about it, for obvious reasons.'' That reminded me that I should tell him that I was heading home, as I'd promised him._

Coming out of the memory, I wasn't as sure Jasper would be so understanding. I would have to wait for him to wake up to ask him not to tell anything, and that Rosalie and Emmett knew. Perhaps that would help it sound like my and Carlisle's relationship was more normal than it was.

In truth, I knew it wasn't normal. It was perverse.

But I loved the guy and I knew he loved me too. I could see it in his actions and the way he looked at me.

I had to tell Carlisle that Jasper knew as well. I had owned it that much to him. He probably was home, sleeping after his shift. I decided to text him, as the coward I was.

 _Call me when you're up. Drunk me has a mouth on her, and I told Jasper about us. There is no excuse, I'm sorry. He's here and I'll try to fix it._

He knew that with fix it I meant – making sure that he would keep his mouth shut to certain people. Basically, to his ex-girlfriend mainly.

I didn't have to wait for him to wake up, as Carlisle called me.

I went out of my room, in the bathroom, to pick it up. I really didn't want anyone to hear to whom and what about I was speaking of, even if Jasper knew and Charlie was sleeping. I was not risking it anymore.

''Hey.'' I answered. No need to under or over do it. I knew why he was calling.

''Bella… What happened?'' he sounded tired and serous. He must have finished his shift about this time. I wanted him to call me later and sleep, and to relax, but mostly that I was sorry.

I sighed ''We got hammered, and we had fun. And then we started to talk about relationships, and he mentioned Edward…'' He didn't say anything, and I continued ''So I mentioned that I was still with a Cullen, just a different one.'' I left out the part where I was basically smug about fucking him.

I heard him breathing through the phone, as he wasn't really talking. I wished I had kept my mouth shut last night as I did now.

I couldn't stand the silence, so I started speaking again ''I really am sorry. I didn't mean to… But perhaps it's not as bad.'' I did want to be open about the person who I was seeing.

''Bella, it's too soon.'' His words cut me, but I understood. I had just come back to NYC, and his daughter was sent to rehab just yesterday ''Did he… How did he take it?'' he asked.

I hated to disappoint him, but I should be truthful ''I don't think he was thrilled. I think he was mostly confused. I wasn't making a lot of sense. He passed out here, on my floor. I'll speak to him when he wakes up.''

We said goodbye to one another, and I was sad that I had made him sad.

But as I thought about it more and more, I liked the idea of us being public. When I went back to my room I found Jasper still passed out, and I laid down on my bed, still in my towels. I didn't even notice that I had drifted off.

Once I came to, it was because Charlie was knocking on my door.

I quickly pulled some sweats and a shirt over me, losing the towels, before opening my door to him. There was no Jasper around.

''Bells – how are you feeling?'' He looked over me, with a slight smile.

Ugh ''I'm good now.'' My head wasn't spinning but I felt a throbbing in my head and a raw sort of feeling in my stomach. I wasn't good, but I was going to be eventually.

''I've never heard you come in drunk!'' he laughed at me. Well… at least one man in my life wasn't angry with me. Where the hell was Jasper? I needed to call him.

''Sorry – I went out with Jasper.'' I smiled.

He offered to make coffee, and we actually chatted and bonded. We did what Carlisle thought he was stealing from him – father daughter time. The truth is I wanted to talk to Carlisle and I needed to find Jasper. But dad was showing me his hangover cure from university as well, and I couldn't just run out on him.

I knew he would have to go to work, for a graveyard shift, and he did. I put on a sun dress and I still looked horrible. I was looking green as I started my drive to Cullen's house hold. When I was pulling into the long drive, I saw Jasper walking and pulled to an immediate stop and jumped out.

He noticed me and stopped walking, looking down at me.

''Jasper, what are you doing here?'' I dreaded the worst. Why had he come here? Fuck! He was walking from the house. ''What did you do Jasper?'' I raised my voice as I felt panic.

''I talked to Carlisle… I needed him to say it was true.'' He shrugged ''I won't say anything, I just… I think you can do better.''

What was he on about? I was going to question him, and then he stepped closer.

''What are you-'' I didn't even finish my sentence, as Jasper kissed me.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a month since Jasper talked to Carlisle… And, kissed me.

When I walked back to Carlisle, I didn't mention the kiss. He didn't need to know. I already was making shit worse just because I was breathing. I couldn't tell him Jasper kissed me. After he had kissed me I asked ''Jasper, what are you doing?''

He stepped back, searching for something ''I don't know. I'm sorry Bella. I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry.''

And we left it at that. I knew he was feeling confused mostly because of the break up, and then I was there to make his life a bit more confusing, by telling him the truth. Sometimes it was easier to keep things to yourself. That's why I decided to not say a thing to Carlisle about the kiss. It was enough already as it was… Plus, it didn't mean anything. I saw it in his eyes… I even felt it in his kiss.

It was a plea, I just didn't know what he was pleading for.

When I walked in, Carlisle was sipping whiskey. I almost vomited for a hundredth time that day, of the mere smell of it. I deserved it. I went and sat down next to him, on the lover seat.

He knew I would ask about Jasper, so he just went along with it ''He told me about last night. He asked me if it was true. I said that it was. I also mentioned that Alice didn't know. He asked about Edward, and I told him that he knew, but to better leave this topic out of his ear shot.'' He stated the facts in a monotone voice.

It scared me because I knew he was feeling awful again not only because of the age gap, but because of how we knew one another. I asked him ''Was he nasty? Rude?''

Carlisle closed his eyes for a minute ''No, he wasn't. He was very calm, and just asked me to be honest with him, and I was. He took it well.''

''But you didn't.'' I said before I could stop myself from speaking ''Carlisle, please don't feel guilty about us.'' I pleaded with him, sitting next to him. I couldn't lose him.

He smiled at me, with a smile that didn't reach his eyes, and it broke my heart. I couldn't believe I was getting teary eyed. I kissed him, even if he was drinking scotch, I had to show him, that I was there for him. Perhaps that was behind Jaspers kiss as well.

Carlisle felt as my salty tears fell on his face as it did on mine, and pulled away, looking at me surprised ''Bella, what?''

''I wished you didn't feel guilty about being with me.''

After that he pulled me in his arms and kissed my tears away. It was an emotional roller-coaster of a day.

xxxxxxxXXXxxxxxxx

For the past month, Carlisle and I had been going out, and just being with each other. I didn't want to see alcohol after that evening. I just started to introduce a glass of wine back at dinner. We might not go public, not that we had that talk yet, but we did become more and more comfortable around the house.

Carlisle and I knew, that Edward and Tanya were here, but it didn't stop us. We couldn't be ourselves out, so we stayed inside. And Tanya didn't know like Jessica knew. At least she never gave the vibe that Edward had told her.

I remember when Carlisle and I were watching a movie downstairs, eating popcorn, and just relaxing, when Tanya and Edward came through the door. I felt daggers in my back, so I turned around and saw her staring. I didn't think much about it, but ignored it, turning back to the screen. She didn't know who I was, and Edward could take care of it.

I heard them talking when I went to pee though.

''So, the girl is your dads girlfriend? That's why you don't like her?'' Tanya asked him. It sounded like she didn't understand it.

Edward sounded as frustrated and irritated with the topic as she was ''For the hundredth time, yes.''

''So, she's like a gold digger?''

I didn't get to hear the rest of the juicy gossip between them, about me and Carlisle, not that I really wanted to. I just went back to Carlisle and snuggled up. Sure, I was a gold digger. I should get used to people assuming the worst.

After a month I still was thinking about Jasper. He didn't call me and I wouldn't call him back. Even though I knew that the kiss meant nothing, we both were feeling awkward about it. I wanted to give him space as well – to accept me the way I was. Rosalie had no problem. Neither did Emmett. And, I loved them both for it. I just hoped that I could love Jasper for it as well sooner rather than later.

We didn't call, and we didn't text. We resorted to a more primal function of communication - we sent each other memes. Jup. That was all how I communicated with him, and he with me.

I facetimed Rosalie and told her the story too.

''Bella, you're in NYC for a month and a half, and this happens?'' She laughed ''I can't tell if it is your city or if it isn't.''

''He'll come around.'' Emmett jumped in ''Like, yeah it is kind of weird, but honestly, at the end of the day its your relationship and it doesn't break the law. You're cool – he's cool. Just, whatever you know. I could talk to him, if you want.'' Emmett was a great friend. I was happy Rosalie had him in her life and so did I. ''Plus, that kiss thing – not cool. I didn't like it.'' He added.

I heard Rosalie go ''Aww, babe.'' And I rolled my eyes.

''I don't think he meant anything… I think he's just trying to figure out the life of a single man, and what should he do. Maybe you should talk with him.'' I accepted Emmett's approach.

''You should just go public anyway – Alice and Charlie are the only ones you have to break the news to.'' Rosalie chipped in. It was true, for the most part. There still was his job and his placement, that could get implicated. As was Charlies… It seemed too easy, coming from her mouth, but I knew the truth. So did Carlisle.

We ended the conversation when it got lighter – Emmett and Rosalie travelled across California and were pretty much living on the beach. They loved it. It made me wonder if they would ever come back, trading the sunny days for the complicated city.

Carlisle came home around midnight, even if he had to be home around eight. I wasn't mad at him – that was the life of a doctor. Usually when he was held up for this long, I knew it was because of something horrible. He sometimes told me the gruesome details, sometimes he would write it in his journal.

After he showered, and came to bed, I couldn't help but to hug him. I was the big spoon this night. I didn't say anything and just let him be.

''You're upset about something.'' He suddenly said ''Is it still Jasper?''

I was taken back by what he had said ''Why do you say so?'' I didn't even deny it.

''I know you.'' He shrugged.

I know he had a hard day and he was trying to pay attention to something else. But… I didn't want to talk about Jasper.

''I talked to Rosalie and Emmett today, they'll have a word with him. Emmett agrees with me.'' Carlisle knew that I though that Jasper was confused. ''And Edward is leaving with Tanya tomorrow… We can have the house to ourselves… I'll finally walk in my birthday suit.'' I snaked my arms around him, hoping that he would see something good tonight.

And, I guessed he did, as he laughed ''Wearing my shirts without any panties isn't good enough for you huh?''


	8. Chapter 8

It had been forty-five days since Alice was in the rehab. That meant that she could call someone. I knew that, so did Carlisle.

I didn't know that she would call while I was with Carlisle in bed.

He picked up, of course, and as they were facetiming, I tried awfully hard to stay out of focus. Even if it wasn't really meant for my ears, I listened very carefully.

''I don't think I can quit, dad.'' Alice said solemnly to Carlisle ''I think this will always be with me. This is just a part of me… And what I will always be.'' She didn't sound optimistic, but she did say that she is going to try. She was having a tough time and I didn't know how to act. I couldn't imagine how Carlisle must have been feeling.

I was happy that she could concentrate on herself at least, even if the things she had to concentrate on were hard.

I wanted to hear what she was saying, but I didn't want to intrude and in reality, I didn't want to hear how bad a time she was having mentally because I was still feeling guilty about it. Perhaps I deserved to hear everything and so much more.

I left the room to wonder in the kitchen. I was looking through the semi empty fridge when Carlisle came out. He looked kind of green, but he smiled at me when he walked in the kitchen.

''She's done half of the programme. She'll be home in 45 days now.'' I wondered if he was as uneasy about it as I was. Not because we would be able to run around here naked and fuck every surface, no… I was scared for her.

I went over and touched his face ''She's strong.'' I spoke words I wished were true and would come true ''She will find it again. She's on the right path.''

He didn't say anything, he just grabbed my hand and nodded. I felt like he knew what I was thinking.

Suddenly I didn't feel like cooking anything.

''Let's go out to get something to eat.'' It felt better to feel like we could run away from problems… Even if to a restaurant and back. After he had agreed, and we got dressed, we were in his car.

As he turned on the car, I couldn't help but to look at him in appreciation. I felt like I was fucking up consistently, but he still stayed with me, and loved me.

"I love you" I told him, and he put his hand on my bare leg.

"I love you too Bella" He smiled.

I shook my head "Carlisle, I don't have any words to describe how much I appreciate you."

"Is something wrong?" He couldn't help but to ask.

I just smiled at him, choosing not to answer because I don't think I could. Not now anyways "Where should we go and eat?" We really were having to be careful to be not seen. I wasn't as popular as he was but I still had Charlie to think about.

"I know a place, off to the coast. It's a drive, but I love the place, and I hope you do too."

He was right, and it was a drive, but I loved the vibe of it when we drove up. It was a small café, in seemingly a middle of nowhere. It was picturesque and cute. I loved it right away, no matter how the food tastes.

We grabbed a table outside, and I asked if Carlisle could order for me, seeing as he has been here before and he knows me well.

And he really did, seeing as he ordered us both waffles with bacon.

I was oozing out love for this man when Jasper came in with Garrett, the bartender, and I nearly chocked.

Carlisle suddenly had a poker face on, under his smile, as his eyes were darting between him and me. From all the places he had to walk in here?

He took a table inside I would guess, as he and Garrett didn't come out.

"You should go talk to him." He nodded towards the inside.

I shook my head ''No, I'm here with you. We're on a date and I'm enjoying it.''

''Why are you acting so weird about Jasper? He's your friend honey, talk with him. I'll grab some muffins for home. Go!'' He smiled but I saw something behind his eyes.

I just nodded and stood up, not wanting to seem weird. It was weird, I would have thought the same if I was with, but I wanted to protect him from the thought that I was hooking up with Jasper, even if I wasn't and never would.

I went inside, and locked eyes instantly with him, but chickened out, and walked to the bathroom instead.

Walking out, I hadn't yet decided if I was going to talk to him or not. I guess I didn't have to decide, seeing as he was waiting for me outside the bathroom.

''Bela… Hey.''

I nodded at him ''Jasper, how've you been?''

''Bella, I'm sorry. Fuck this is so awkward.'' He pulled at his hair ''I'm sorry for kissing you. I don't know why I did that, it's been a fucked-up time in my life…''

I nodded. I understood him, honestly. I remembered how when Carlisle and I had troubles how I had acted. It was bad, and I wanted to be his friend because I needed one back when I was going through things.

''I get it Jasper. I'm sorry as well. I wanted you to know, but not like that. It was wrong for me and for you, and for Carlisle. I don't want to hurt the people I love, but I want to love the man of my dreams.'' I massaged the back of my neck.

''Bella. I do miss my friend. I'm sorry for making it weird… I think I actually miss Alice, how crazy am I?'' he laughed a bit.

''I don't think you are. I miss her as well.'' I couldn't help but to hug him.

We said our goodbyes and I walked back out to Carlisle, but I didn't see him at the table. Looking around I saw that he was in the car.

He must've taken the muffins and was waiting for me to finish up with Jasper. I was actually happy that I had done what Carlisle had asked me, or rather suggested. So when I sat in his car, I was surprised to see his angry face.

I didn't dare to say anything as he sped away, literally the fastest speed I've seen him drive.

''You fucking kidding me Bella?'' He turned to me and I felt myself going pale, I was scared that he wasn't paying attention to the road ''You say one thing to my face and you kiss Jasper behind my back?''

Now I wished he would drive off the road.

He had heard.

''Carlisle, he kissed me.'' I cleared up. Not that it seemed to help.

''If so, why didn't you tell me? If he was the one to do that? And by the way, now you're after my daughter's boyfriend?''

I felt tears welling up, but I wasn't about to cry ''That was a low blow.'' And it hit too close to home to be honest, but that was his point ''I didn't tell you because I'm tired of being a fuck up in this relationship.'' That was the truth.

''Bella do you even want this relationship?'' he wondered out loud, hurting me with his words again.

''How the hell could you think otherwise?'' I raised my voice at him ''I'm here! With you, if you forgot!''

''If you forgot, I have a lot more on the line!'' He yelled back at me.

''Yea, and I'm just the gold-digging whore! You want to throw that at me? Fine! It's not like I have to lose my family as well! It's not like I have to lose my friends as well!'' I threw back at him.

This has been bubbling up hasn't it? I knew I felt better after throwing the insult his way, and I had to wonder if he felt the same. I was almost certain that he did.

I believed he did as he threw a ''Fuck you.'' My way.


	9. Chapter 9

''Fuck me? Fuck you Carlisle. Fuck you and your whole thing for twisting this into something that it isn't!''

''So, you haven't kissed Jasper Whitlock?''

''No!'' technically I wasn't the one ''He kissed me, and it didn't mean anything. Not for him and definitely not for me.'' I said honestly.

He then pulled over in the middle of nowhere, on the side of the road, turning to me ''Bella, I've had it with your fucking lies. Is there something else you want to tell me?'' he squinted his eyes at me ''Have you fucked anyone else perhaps? Maybe accidentally?''

How dare he? I slapped him, not really thinking about what I was doing, just that I needed to hurt him.

His head snapped to the side, and when he turned to me, all I could feel was his lips on mine. I couldn't help but to respond to his kiss, and pulled at his hair, biting his lip. He pulled away, shocked and I saw I had drawn blood at his lip, and he noticed it too, brushing at it with the back of his hand.

He didn't care and now I didn't care as well, as he pulled me on his lap, and pulled my hair as he kissed my neck and I couldn't help but to moan.

He ripped open my blouse, the buttons flying around us in the small space, his kisses going lower and lower. I opened my bra before he could rip it open as well. He might have not destroyed it, but he did fly to the back seat, as he took to kissing my chest. He assaulted my right chest as he pinched my nipple on the left.

It was rough, it was nasty, and it was heaven all in one.

I tried to unbuckle his belt, but his hands grabbed mine, and went back to kissing my breasts ''You don't get to touch.''

I bit my lip and opened my eyes just realising I had him closed and saw him looking at me with that anger still evident in his eyes. I wanted to slap him again, for not understanding, and I wanted to have him in my mouth in the same second.

This time I closed the space and kissed him.

He let go of my hands and opened his belt with. I was happy as I realised he was going to open his pants, and I let my hands wonder again. I was wrong to think he would let me, and he harshly got them and putting them behind my back said ''I told you something Bella. Fucking listen to me.''

Just them my phone rang, and I took it out of my back. Carlisle moved back to my neck, to assault it with his beautiful mouth. I stopped breathing as I saw Alice's name pop up.

''Don't you dare to pick up.'' He said.

I was angry, and I was hurt at him as well. We never had a fight like this and I couldn't stop from letting my fingers answer the phone ''Alice! How are you?''

He didn't stop, in fact he went back to my breasts as Alice said ''I'm not going to lie, I could be better. But I'm understanding just now that I have to put in more work in this.''

''Now or, never right?'' Even I noticed how I was breathless.

''You alright? What are you doing Bella?'' She asked as Carlisle was grinding against me.

''Sorry, I'm working out'' on your dad ''Can you call me a bit later perhaps?'' I begged.

''Sure.'' She didn't sound thrilled but was still polite and obliged ''I'll you in the evening. I miss you.''

''I miss you too Alice. Bye for now.''

After I ended the call, Carlisle put my hands behind my back and tied them with his belt. He didn't tie it loosely, actually the opposite. I hissed at the rough feel of it and he said ''Why the hell don't you listen to me?''

In an answer I just pushed my hips against his and he hissed in response.

His eyes didn't leave mine, as his hands pushed away my panties. I was really happy I was wearing a skirt today. He pushed a finger inside me and I couldn't help but to grimace in pleasure as he pushed them in and out.

''You like that Bella? You like when my fingers are fucking you?'' I nodded as I was closing in on my orgasms.

Just as I was about to tip over the edge he stopped and pulled them out ''Ahh well, I like that too, but I don't think you get to come jet.''

''Please.'' I moaned.

He just smiled and started to work his fingers again, more harshly. Without any hesitation, I pushed my head backwards and ended up pushing my chest in his face, and he didn't hesitate to draw circles with his tongue.

As I was about to come again, I knew that he would do it again – he stopped, while saying ''I don't think that you should come at all.''

''I'll be good. Please Carlisle, I want to feel you.'' I begged him.

''I need you to be a good girl Bella.'' He said as he shifted his pants, so he could get himself out.

I didn't know if I could be, so I didn't say anything as he pushed inside of me, deep. It almost felt as this was the deepest he has been inside me, and I couldn't help to cry out. He didn't wait for me to adjust to him, and I didn't even want him to. I bounced down on him in response, wanting to hurt myself.

We were both grunting and moaning, breathing in each other's necks, as both of us wanted to find our release. I loved him, and I knew he loved me as well. I knew that both of us didn't know how to argue and that we didn't want to… But life was messy like that.

''I'm going to come.'' I kept repeating, hoping that he was going to let me have this ''Please don't stop.''

''Come Bella.'' He said in a strained voice ''I said come!'' he said in a stern voice and I couldn't help the cry that followed after, as I did.

I couldn't really come down from it as he kept pushing in. I was about to get dizzy with the pleasure I was riding out, when Carlisle joined in, and came as well.

I fell against him and he relaxed in his seat as both of us were trying to catch our breaths.

I listened to his heart rate trying to slow down on its own, as I let myself have this moment. We knew that the fight wasn't over just because we both had an orgasm.

''I didn't wear a condom Bella…'' He suddenly said and I heard his heart speed back up again.

''That's alright.'' I knew he felt better than usual – deeper ''I'll take the pill, and we'll be alright. No worries.''

I felt him move his head, that felt a lot like nodding ''We'll get it. I'm sorry about that.''

''It's alright. Honestly.'' And it was.

I sat up straight and looked at him, as he undid the belt around my wrists.

He arched his brow and I understood it was a question he was waiting an answer to, about why I didn't listen to him ''You hurt me.''

Both of us knew it wasn't the belt around my hands I was speaking of.

''And you hurt me by lying. So, what? We're going to hurt one another huh?'' I was angry that he was making an actual point.

''I didn't kiss him. It came out of nowhere.'' That was the truth.

''But you didn't tell me. That night, you just came home and didn't tell me.'' Again, he was making a good point.

I nodded towards him and I couldn't take it back. We just needed our time to calm down ''Take me home, Carlisle.''


	10. Chapter 10

I was late!

I took too long to do my make up and now I didn't even have time to iron my dress, but I didn't want to be too late.

''Bella, come one!'' Charlie came in my room just as I was putting things in my bag ''I have to go to work after I drop you off.''

''I'm ready! I'm ready!'' I whined ''Let's go.''

Charlie was kind enough to drop me off at the French fry place before his shift. For the past week I didn't visit Carlisle for almost two weeks now. We were talking, but just the most important things. The truth be told, I missed him dearly, but we haven't talked about it, and it was becoming more and more stupid.

I was calm enough now. I hoped he was too.

I didn't particularly like how we separated – buying the morning after pill, taking it in the car, and walking home alone because we didn't want to risk a chance of someone seeing him. And I already was wearing a jacket he had in his car, seeing as my blouse was destroyed.

I didn't tell him in our nightly talks that I was sleeping in it every night, even though I wouldn't deny it if he asked.

When I walked in the French fry place, Rosalie and Emmett were already at the booth and I rushed to them, happy to see my friends. I hugged Rosalie from behind and she laughed realising that it was me.

''You're late!'' Emmett laughed.

''Hey, don't I get one of those?'' Jasper said behind me, and I turned around and hugged him as well.

I sat down next to Jasper and I felt a little more at peace.

''How has it been back in NYC?'' Jasper asked ''It's been boring here.'' We laughed at the absurdity at that one.

''I miss the sunshine already.''

''Its literally so fucking hot I want to be in a freezer Rosalie.'' I responded to her.

We chatted like that for about an hour, when Jasper himself started with a topic me and Carlisle hadn't yet touched.

''I feel like I should say sorry to everyone. Bella, sorry for the fucked-up kiss. I think I just missed someone, and I felt like you were the closest friend, and I just… I don't know honestly. And guys, I'm sorry that you got involved, but thank you at the same.'' he looked dead beat as he finished.

''You want to get back with Alice?'' Emmett asked him.

''Listen, I have hated and loved the girl for the longest time. I would, maybe. But I would like to be single for the time being.''

Of course, we could understand. I thought my relationship with Carlisle was fucked up, and rocky. At least for the start of it, but it didn't compare with their relationship. I felt like I needed to speak up.

''I'm sorry too Jasper… Carlisle heard us, in the café, us talking about the kiss. We had a big fight in a car, followed by hate sex, and us not seeing each other since.'' I hung my head in shame. It seemed like a lot to say to my friends. But that is what they were – my friends. And weren't we supposed to tell our friends our boyfriend drama?

''But that was like two weeks ago?'' Jasper cleared up and I nodded ''It was just a stupid kiss that didn't mean anything.'' He muttered.

''I think it did.'' Rosalie spoke up, bringing all the attention to her ''I think you missed someone nice and warm, and smart, and Bella was there. I think you love her, but like I love her – like a sister. I think you were shocked that Carlisle was the one having Bella's heart and that it scared you. It scared us too at first! I think that that kiss was offering Bella an out, if she wanted one… But I don't think that you meant that actually.'' She finished, and silence fell.

It… made sense, and Jasper was nodding, looking at the table.

I put my hand around him in support. Emmett said that he would have done the same that earned a playful punch on the arm before she stood up ''I'm sorry, I have to take this call.''

After she returned, she suggested that we order scones… I couldn't help but to order a strawberry milkshake with it.

I was almost done with the milkshake, when I saw Carlisle walking in, and almost spat out the drink. He looked at us, and with determination on his face he walked over.

''Hello Rose, Emmett, Jasper… Bella dear.'' I almost jumped up from my seat when he said that! In public! ''May I sit down?''

''Of course! We were just thinking of ordering something.'' Rosalie spoke up, and he sat down next to me.

Under the table he took my hand in his ''So what are you guys thinking ice cream? It's too hot to function outside.'' He laughed, and Jasper agreed.

For just a second it felt normal, falling into a banter and eating – almost literally breaking bread, if it was in form of ice cream. I wished that this could be it – us coming out to the public and everything would be alright, and people would accept us as we were. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

When we were about to finish up, Carlisle asked if he could take me home, and I agreed. I knew that home was meant as his place. I knew we were going to talk.

I knew what bothered me, and I was waiting to hear what bothered Carlisle.


	11. Chapter 11

I was happy that I chose to do my make-up, as I was wearing a slightly crumpled dress. And in chances that something might happen, I was wearing an ugly set of skin coloured bra and panties. I tried not to think about that, as I tried to formulate what I wanted to say to him. We might have talked through texts, but we haven't said anything about the thing.

When we rolled up at his house, he came to my side and helped me out the car. I thanked him for the gentlemen he was. No matter how hard we fought or fucked, he was always a gentleman.

Walking in the house I knew where to go. Where I felt this ass started.

His study.

I sat down on the desk, and he was standing against the door. We were in our positions. And I was ready to start ''Thank you for coming, it meant a lot. Did Rosalie tell you to come over?'' I voiced my thoughts. I knew that it must've been her seeing as she suddenly went to the bathroom after I voiced my concerns.

He nodded ''She did.'' He was honest ''I'm glad she did. She told me that you were worried. Are you?''

I had to think about it for a while. Was I worried?

When I answered I was sure I was telling the truth ''I am. I'm worried that we will always be in the shadows, and I don't think I can do that for the rest of my live. Because the truth is I want only you – that hasn't changed.'' I drew in a breath ''I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Jasper. I realise it wasn't so much as that he kissed me, as it was about me keeping it a secret.''

He nodded and listened carefully ''I understand. I'm sorry for behaving like I did when you told me, that was unacceptable. I just… I saw red. I know it's no excuse, but… '' He didn't continue and sat down.

I was wondering what he had to say so I waited, my eyebrow raised.

He looked at me, with an apology in his eyes, and I knew his words could cut me ''I was just afraid that you would cheat on me, like…''

He didn't need to finish that sentence ''Oh… Like I did with Edward. But I didn't cheat on him, technically I didn't cheat on anyone. And I would never. I'm not going to repeat anything, if you're worried about that. Especially the things I haven't done.''

He smiled ''I know. I know you. I'm just a fool.''

We were both beating up each other for us having a hard time. I stood up and went to sit on my knees. Taking his face in my hands I said ''This isn't about the kiss. I want us to go public. But I also know now is not the time. And I think it's fucking with both of us.''

This wasn't the right time, I think mostly because of Alice, and I couldn't even start to think about how to break the news to Charlie. But those were the issues I was concerned with, there was more on his plate than on mine.

''I'm just afraid that there never will be a right time.'' I finished.

''I know. I think there will be a time, it just seems so far away.'' He said, and I sat back down, looking at him.

I liked that he was giving a window to the fact that he wanted to be open. We have never talked about it being an option, and I was happy with it but I needed to know ''When do you see us being out?''

He searched for something in my eyes and answered ''Perhaps around graduation. I need Alice to not only be healthy but maintaining the health as well.'' I agreed with him wholeheartedly and he continued ''And perhaps as a graduate, people would see you as more of an adult and me less of an adulterer. ''

''It's a long time, and we will be calmer, with less drama.'' I laughed at that bit ''And it's not going to be easy I'm not about to fool us both… But it's something that I'm willing to wait for.'' I finished, and he hugged me.

I know its going to be a long time, or at least it will feel like, but I was ready to work on us, and to work on our image, to see ourselves succeed as a couple in this hard city. It's not like we would be something too bad seeing as a lot of shocking things were happening in NYC, and we would only be a talk for a little while. But I agreed with him – it would be better for a later time when I'm a bit more matured.

AN-Hey guys! It's coming to an end. Just a heads up – next one is the last!


	12. Chapter 12

I was sitting down with Rosalie and Emmett, who had just flown in from California. They had decided to stay there after graduating, of course. They were trying to make it in the sun and I couldn't blame them. I chose to see them in the summers for a couple of weeks, because I did kind of miss the dry heat. I knew that I loved it there, but I didn't belong like I did here, at home, in NYC.

I saw Jasper walking in and waved at him to come our way. I saved him a seat. He was doing so good in his job, better than the rest of us actually. I was happy to have a friend here in NYC, that wasn't kissing me or causing trouble with me and Carlisle.

I looked where Carlisle was, at the front talking with some professor that he knew. Of course, he knew the alumni. More so after Alice went back to study. After the rehab she was very careful, but she grew into herself more and more so in the past four years. I was happy to be at her graduation, even if it was a year later, we were all so proud she did it anyway. Carlisle was so happy. I definitely wasn't complaining – the sex was exhilarating.

When he turned around to spot us, I waved at him. When he came to us, Jasper let him sit next to me and he grabbed my hands. We were less careful of showing our feelings. We weren't exactly kissing in public but holding hands whilst sitting at Alice's graduations was fine.

We still waited for the graduation, but through the time decided that it would be best to start coming out after Alice's graduation. But we ditched some of the act, as Charlie got into a lethal accident and died on the job. I was crushed, and I didn't want anything, but Carlisle was there. He never left my side and mended me when I was broken. Even though he asked me if I wanted to come out with him then and there, seeing as I was breaking in million little pieces, and he was willing to do anything, I still trusted in the original plan, even if Charlie was no more.

I decided to sell the apartment, as it was too hard for me to be there. I had loved my father so much, and I will always feel guilty for not telling him about me and Carlisle. I knew he suspected that I was with someone, but I don't think he knew everything. Carlisle didn't comment much about it when I voiced it. I think I knew he wanted to say that it maybe was for the best and it was good he didn't say it - because I would have slapped him.

I moved in with Carlisle. Concerning Alice, I was in a guest bedroom. There wasn't a real problem with Alice seeing as she had moved in with Jasper, in their place. They visited on the weekends still.

We all cheered when Alice got her diploma, that she had been fighting for. We knew that it was much more about just finishing her studies. It was about her feeling better and being able to concentrate on things other than food, and hurting Jasper.

Carlisle and I were so worried today. We had decided that today was the day. It's been years and we were ready. It felt like we were scared because we kept it for so long. After the ceremony, all of us headed to a restaurant and then to the party we had organised for her. Even Edward had come with Tanya, he was still with. He didn't approve of us, but he wasn't as nasty. He just ignored us, and it was okay. It was better.

Half of the party Carlisle and I spend in the study, plotting, being nervous, kissing and being more worried.

We were just sitting when Alice came in ''Is everything alright?'' she asked us annoyed. We knew it wasn't going to go down smooth, so we anticipated any kind of south mood.

''Alice…'' Carlisle started ''We have something to say.''

''What? That you're fucking?'' She laughed, and we just fell silent. Was she joking?

I didn't dare to ask and neither did Carlisle.

When we didn't answer Alice said while sitting down ''Edward told me… Before rehab. I just felt after that I needed to get myself together, and that helped in a weird way.''

''I'm sorry Alice.'' I spoke up finally, still shocked.

She looked at me, and suddenly her eyes were syphilizing ''Bella, I was angry with you, with Carlisle… But, you both seem a lot more happier and that's the truth. No matter how weird it is.''

I couldn't help but to burst out laughing and crying. This has been crazy, the whole thing. The whole four years and I wouldn't change any fucked-up detail of it.

The End

AN- I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW IT

 **Thank you for being with me.**


End file.
